It’s taken me a lot longer than it should have to write this blog post.
It’s not because I’ve been busy or had writer’s block but pretty much because I was scared.
You’ve probably noticed I have been very inactive on the old blog lately and I’m gonna be straight up – it’s because I couldn’t even bring myself to open WordPress. I wanted the whole typical “blogger life” to work out so much for me and I’ve come to the realisation I’m failing.
When I started this blog, I promised myself three things:
- at least 1 post a week
- never go MIA
- plan your posts at the beginning of the week.
Let’s just say once I failed at one – I failed at all. It got to a point where I just began ignoring the fact I even had this blog – I mean what was the point? It’s not like I’m Forever Amber, nobody will miss these posts. That’s when I noticed I was looking at the entire situation wrong.
Since the age of 14 onwards I’ve had about 5 blogs (yes my Tumblr full of nothing but aesthetically pleasing images counts ok) and they have all failed. Admittedly, it’s because I just gave up. When you have a vision for something and it takes so long to see the results you’re looking for, it can be super disheartening and difficult to stay focused.
My vision for What Shan Wrote was to share everything from life experiences to pet peeves with everyone but, at a point, you just feel like you’re repeating what everyone else has already said. Then, you start to doubt yourself and tell yourself those people have said it better than you could ever. In a generation full of creatives it can feel next to impossible to stand out and I think that’s a huge part of where I went wrong.
I fell into a vicious cycle of looking at what everyone else is doing and how they’re doing it, trying to do it myself – which is not very authentic at all – and failing miserably. You know, in the sense that I wasn’t seeing the traffic I wanted and my blog wasn’t getting the exposure I thought it deserved. I started to realise that if I’m writing with the aim of solely being deemed a blogger as opposed to writing meaningful content that I’m strongly passionate about – will I ever get anywhere? The fact of the matter is I’m not a “blogger” I’m just a girl who loves to write about whatever I want to at that moment.
At the end of the day, being a simple girl who lives a simple life, I just want to talk about what’s important to me and maybe inspire other people to do the same for themselves.
I don’t need to post 3 beauty posts a month or do fashion hauls – I just need to write about whatever I fucking want at that moment. That’s how I can stay consistent and that’s how I can really utilise my creativity without feeling like my creative light is temporary. I’m learning to stop developing imaginary expectations and I am definitely still finding myself as a blogger/writer/whatever you want to call it.
I’m sure I’ll go through many of these phases where I just can’t be arsed but, I think I’ve finally realised I need to write what I want and not what I think my “audience” will want. Don’t get me wrong I still love all things fashion, food and fitness but expect to see a lot more of… well, I guess, ME.